


I’m Not Yours & You’re Not Mine

by trinityrenee



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Actress Rey, Alternate Universe - Hockey, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Based off a Fran prompt, Ben is a Goon, Ben is a Tease, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fingering, Hockey player Ben, Reylo - Freeform, Smut, Teasing, Unsafe Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, and isn’t sorry about it, brief conversation about birth control, chapter two is basically pure porn, idk how to write short things, not even joking, this was supposed to be a oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:14:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24917404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trinityrenee/pseuds/trinityrenee
Summary: NY Rangers defenseman Ben Solo has been suspended for two games over a nasty penalty. To get him and the team some good publicity, his agent Rose arranges a date with HBO show breakout star Rey Johnson.The internet goes wild when she shows up at his next game wearing his jersey.(Based on Fran’s/galacticidiots’ prompt~)
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 82
Kudos: 621
Collections: Galactic Idiots Collection, Ijustfellintothissendhelp





	1. you’re even more than you appear

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I promised myself this was going to be a short one-shot. And then I started writing and, well, I’m extremely wordy and I can’t help it. I had hoped it would stay a one-shot but then it hit 7k words without the smut I had planned, so, well, here we are...
> 
> I wanted to at least post the first chapter for you all while I worked on the rest of this story~ C; the smut will be included in the next chapter of this~
> 
> Story title and chapter titles are lyrics from “Quiet” by LIGHTS.

"Rose, I'm not fucking doing this," Ben growls. Rose just looks up at him from over the frames of her round glasses for a second before her gaze moves back down to the phone in her hands.

"Well, maybe if you hadn't punched Wexley in the face last game, you wouldn't have to." A shrug falls off her narrow shoulders and Ben glares at her. She’s as unmoved as always, ignoring his attitude.

"I'm already suspended for two games, isn't that punishment enough?" he huffs. Rose looks at him over her glasses again, rolling her eyes after a second.

"You wanna act like a goon, you're gonna get treated like a fucking goon." Ben groans and glares at his agent. Rose is the only person who deals with his attitude like a pro and sometimes he hates it. Right now is one of those times.

They’re quiet for a couple of minutes before Rose sighs and apparently takes pity on him. "We wouldn't have to do this if this wasn't the _third_ time you've started a fight on the ice. You're making the team look bad for continuing to put you on the damn ice."

Ben opens his mouth to argue with her but she raises a hand, one finger outstretched.

"I literally couldn't give a shit that you're the best defenseman on the team or in the state." That shuts him up pretty quick and he sighs, turning his face away from Rose, thoroughly chastised. "You need good press and this is the way to do that. Now shut up and make sure you're ready at six. You're _lucky_ that she's even agreeing to do this."

With that, Rose turns on her heel and storms off. The sound of her flats tapping against the wood floors of his apartment is an annoyance that he counts until the sound of the front door opening and closing puts an end to it. With a deep breath, Ben tries to calm down the rising tide of irritation in him.

It doesn’t work.

So instead, he turns and throws a fist through the wall next to him. It’s not the first time and it certainly won’t be the last but sometimes Ben Solo just needs to fucking _punch_ something to get his anger out of his blood before it boils over. Sure, he has a punching bag for that very reason, but walls crush and there’s something more satisfying about punching a wall over a stupid sand bag.

People doing stupid shit on the ice during a game _deserve_ to get hit, if you ask him, but no one else apparently thinks that way. Which is fucking stupid. What good is hockey if you can’t just butt-end someone in the face when they do something stupid?

Maybe Rose is onto something with this…

Ben grumbles to himself as he moves to go take a shower. Maybe that will help to calm him down. He needs to shower anyway, since he'd been working out when Rose came over to accost him. Might as well at least _try_ for this stupid shit that Rose is forcing him to do.

\--------

Rey frowns across the table at the man who unceremoniously plunked himself into the chair.

He isn't unattractive, that's definitely _not_ the problem. He has a face with strong features - a prominent nose, plush lips and a full mouth framed by a goatee, a smattering of moles and freckles all over his pale skin. His eyes are a warm golden brown that had looked dark at first, but obviously have other colours in them. They almost border on hazel.

He's also wearing a grey button-up shirt that had to have been tailored specifically for him because of the way the buttons strain against his broad chest and shoulders. He has a pair of dark jeans on his legs and he isn't wearing a tie, but it doesn't really matter much since he looks good and polished. His shoulder-length hair is black and messy, but in a deliberate way. It gives him the air of not giving a fuck, and it _works_ for him.

But he's late and she's annoyed at him, so it doesn't matter how attractive he may or may not be. He is _late_ on what was supposed to be a date and he'd barely even looked at her when he got there. Just dove straight for the menu and he's pissing her off.

She's only doing this as a favor to Kaydel, her manager who had quickly become one of her good friends. Her girlfriend needed help getting some good press for one her hockey-player clients and it's not like Rey has anything else better to do. Besides, Rey owes Kaydel for landing her in the role she's been granted on HBO's newest exclusive series.

"Hello to you too," she huffs after a couple minutes of him ignoring her. He glances up, his brow pinched together slightly. He grunts at her and Rey frowns. What the fuck is with this dude?

"Hey," he tells her finally.

Rolling her eyes, Rey glares at the menu in front of her. She'd already decided on what she wanted while she waited on him to get to the restaurant they were supposed to have their date at. But she needs _something_ to do so that she doesn't end up kicking him or throwing her glass of water at his stupid handsome face.

"I'm -"

"Rey Johnson, yeah, I know." Okay. Seriously. What the hell is _with_ this guy? Yeah, she knows from her Googling spree earlier that day that he's a stand-out hockey player that's nearly a legacy thanks to his grandfather. Knows that he has a penchant for getting into fights on the ice for no real apparent reason beyond apparently _liking_ doing so. That's why she is here after all - his agent wants to make him seem more human by having them date.

It's all for show, but Rey hadn't been against it. Because, again, she owes Kaydel.

She's regretting agreeing to this already.

"Are you always this pleasant to people you have dinner with?" she asks him. Because damn him for being late and for being an ass. She didn't _have_ to do this. Shouldn't have agreed to this.

Her date looks up from the menu at her and stares at her face for a couple of seconds. With a blink, he turns his attention back to the menu.

"It's not like I really had a choice in being here," he deadpans. Wow. This is going _great_ , isn't it? Rey huffs and shakes her head.

"I don't know what the fuck I expected," she mutters to herself. With a sigh, the increasingly frustrating man across from her sets the menu down again and runs a hand through his hair.

"Sorry. I didn't mean it like that," he informs her. Rey just stares at him with a blank expression. "I don't usually eat dinner with other people. Let alone go on dates with people."

"Really? I couldn't tell." Something flashes in his eyes at her deadpan statement, but he blessedly keeps his big mouth shut.

Rey is seriously considering taking back everything she'd thought about him being attractive just a few minutes ago.

"I'm Ben Solo, but I'm assuming you already knew that, too." Rey can feel his eyes on her still as she nods.

"I did. But I was still going to let you introduce yourself instead of being an ass about it." Ben's mouth twitches and she isn't sure if it's supposed to be a smile or a scowl.

"I...deserve that," he says before his attention goes back to the menu. Rey nods after a second and grabs her glass of water to sip at it.

A waitress comes over to take their order and Rey smiles at her as she orders a roasted chicken dish that had sounded amazing when she'd looked over the menu earlier. Ben doesn't even look at the girl as he orders a steak and a side of pasta, asking for some wine as well. It wasn't that long ago that Rey was in their waitress's shoes, waiting for her big break while she took smaller roles and auditioned for fucking everything she could find.

Ben's attitude toward the waitress doesn't surprise her and she fights the urge to roll her eyes.

"So what did you do to get punished like this?" Ben asks from across from her. The question startles her and her brow furrows as she stares over at him in confusion.

"What?"

Ben waves his hand in a little circle in the air. "This. What did you do for your agent to force you into this?"

Rey scoffs and shakes her head. "I didn't _do_ anything. I volunteered for this as a favor to Kay." Ben tilts his head at her slightly and blinks.

"Well fuck." He shakes his head at her this time. "I don't know why I wasn't expecting that."

"Not everyone is an asshole who has to be forced into things, you know."

"I mean, yeah, I guess." He shrugs and Rey hates the way she finds the effortless movement so damn...elegant.

The waitress brings them their wine and Rey takes a sip of hers after thanking the waitress. She needs something to do with her hands until their food comes out and wine is just as good a distraction as any.

"Must be some favour you have to pay back to land you in this." Rey shrugs at his comment.

"Kaydel is the main reason I have the acting role I do right now. So yeah, I'd say it is." Ben is looking at her again, some thought or emotion on his face that Rey cannot identify. After a second, he nods slowly and makes a little 'hmph' noise.

"Alright. Well. How do you wanna do this?" he asks her. One of his large hands gestures between the two of them. "Rose didn't give me any details beyond I had to go on a date with you and we had to act like we're in a relationship."

Rey shrugs and waits to answer until the waitress is done placing their food in front of them. With a smile, she thanks the other girl while Ben just ignores her and sips at his wine.

"I don't know. Kaydel didn't tell me much either," she admits. "I assumed we would go on a few dates and drum up some rumors and good press and then go our separate ways." It sounds really simple, when she puts it like that. A lot more simple than it probably should be, but whatever.

Ben nods in thought as he digs into his pasta first, using the food as an excuse not to talk to her for a bit. Rey doesn't mind, preferring the awkward silence between them while she ate than risking him saying something to piss her off and call this whole charade off completely before it even begins.

He asks her a couple of things throughout dinner - small things like what she does in her free time when she's on set and how she feels about acting in general. She returns the favor and asks him about hockey and how long he's been playing.

At least they can have some amiable conversation. The more she talks to him, the less she feels like this whole thing is going to be her undoing. By the end of their dinner, Rey is fairly certain she can suck it up and act like she's actually in a relationship with him.

Ben pays for their dinner and walks out with her, but he shuts back down when they leave the restaurant and go their separate ways.

\--------

It's another week before Ben talks to Rey again. And the only reason he does is because Rose invites her to the first game he's playing since his suspension.

Rey looks even prettier in the lights of the back offices than she did in the dim lighting of the restaurant he'd met her in. Her chestnut hair is loose around her shoulders and she's wearing a pair of skin-tight jeans that show off her nice legs. She's also wearing a grey sweater and a dark blue scarf looped around her neck. It's cold in the arena and she is definitely dressed for it.

Her freckles stand out more against her skin back here, under the bright fluorescent lights.

"Hey," Rey tells him with a little wave from the safety of her arms wrapped around her torso.

Ben nods at her and glances over at Rose before looking back at Rey, who is glancing around the locker room and his various teammates standing around in their gear as they wait for the game. The guys are trying not to look like they're eavesdropping or trying to figure out what she's doing here. Ben secretly hopes that none of them are getting any ideas.

"Rey wanted to come back and see you before the game," Rose offers. Ben isn't sure how much of that is true and how much of it is for the benefit of the other men that don't have any idea of their arrangement.

"It's not that exciting until we get to the actual game," he tells her.

Rey nods in response. "I figured, but I still wanted to surprise you and come say hi." She's good at this, he realizes. Rose did good in picking an actress for this fake relationship because even he's half-tempted to be convinced by what she just said. 

Ben doesn't know what to say, so he just grunts and nods at her. He hears Rose let out a sigh from beside him and turns to Rey. "Wanna go find your seat now you've seen your moron?" Ben glares at his agent while his not-girlfriend giggles.

Fuck. She has a nice laugh, even if it is forced and fake.

"I was actually hoping to stop and grab a jersey before the game, but maybe it's a little late for that," Rey tells Rose. And Ben isn't all that great with other people or relationships, but he turns to his bag of gear where he has extra jerseys stored just in case. They're clean, thankfully - he'd managed to remember to have them clean while he was on his suspension.

The jersey is fisted in his hand as he holds it out to her. Rey looks between the shirt in his hand and his eyes, her pretty hazel doe eyes widening slightly.

"It's clean, I promise," he offers. She smiles at him - all perfect teeth - and takes the shirt from him.

"Thank you," she tells him. It takes her half a second to pull the jersey over her head and settle it around her torso. And then, almost as if she does it before she can think twice about it, she steps closer and leans up to brush her lips against his cheek.

Ben stares at her as she steps back and keeps smiling at him. "We're still getting dinner after the game, right?" she asks sweetly. And Ben's brain is still trying to catch up with the fact that she just kissed him. His cheek, sure, but he wasn't expecting it.

Why, he doesn't know. Because this is supposed to be a relationship between the two of them and they're in front of his teammates and at some point they're going to have to show some PDA if this whole stupid thing is to be believed. But still. It caught him off guard and he doesn't know what to do so he just nods. Apparently they're going to dinner.

Rose is smirking at him as Rey turns back to her and the two women leave.

He's still trying to figure out what the fuck just happened when Hux comes up and slaps him on the back.

"Didn't realize you finally got a girlfriend in the time you were out, Solo," he ribs. Ben glares at the forward and shrugs out of the red-headed man's reach.

"We've been on a few dates, yeah," he edges. Dameron pops up next to Hux, his arm slinging over the taller man's shoulders. Ben takes a step back so Poe doesn't get any bright ideas about pulling him into the embrace as well.

"That's the main actress from that new HBO show, isn't it? How'd you meet her?"

And now Ben is mad at Rose for bringing Rey back here. Because he does _not_ want to answer any of these questions from his nosy teammates.

Then again, maybe this is just preparing him for the inevitable horde of questions that are coming if this plan of Rose's works.

Fuck.

Ben really, really wants to take back letting his agent bully him into this.

He's saved from answering by Phasma walking out of her office and clapping her hands together. "Alright, boys, let's get a move on." He's never been more thankful for the head coach. "Solo, don't punch anyone today."

And there goes whatever happiness at seeing Phasma again. He nods stiffly, grabs his stick, and follows his team out to the ice.

He glances around the arena when he gets on the ice and finds Rey in the VIP section next to their team bench. She has a wide smile on her face and is sitting next to Rose. She gives him a small wave when she sees him looking at her.

Her cheeks are pink with the cold but he finds himself hoping that she has a good time. Has she ever been to a hockey game? He can't remember if she told him she had or not when they went out to dinner. He'll have to try to remember to ask her himself later.

\-------

Having Rey show up to his first game back from suspension has the desired effect on the internet. It wasn't hard to miss her, seated where she was against the glass and close to the Rangers bench. Add that to the fact she was wearing his jersey, SOLO emblazoned on the back in bold red letters along with his number, it was pretty obvious she was there for him.

Add that to the fact that they left the arena hand-in-hand and the internet world was losing its damn mind. The internet as a whole was very interested to see this new actress on HBO’s latest hit show showing up at his next few games, always dressed in one of his jerseys. The third time she’s at one of his games, she steals a kiss from him when he’s on his way to the bench. The surprise on his face was as worth it as the pictures that popped up all over the internet.

Rey, for her part, was a _very_ good actress, able as she is to convince the world that what they have is a serious thing and not just a favour she’s doing for her manager. At least, Ben is _pretty_ certain she’s acting. She’s always pretty cheery in general and she gets annoyed with him sometimes when they’re on their dates, sure, but for the most part she seems pretty happy.

She hasn’t gotten _really_ annoyed with him since that first date. He doesn’t know if it’s just because they’ve gotten used to one another or if she just makes him want to be on his best behavior. Either way, they have an easy time together. Ben might even go so far as to say that she’s become one of his friends in the month since this all started.

Regardless of what’s going on between him and Rey, Rose seems pleased. And doesn’t just seem pleased, but is _actually_ pleased with him and his efforts to continue making this look as real as possible and generating good things about himself in the press.

Two more months pass with her showing up to his home games in his jersey and them going out on weekly dates. Ben cannot count on one hand how many tabloids have published stories in the last three months about how breakout HBO star Rey Johnson has reformed the gruff and aggressive Rangers defenseman.

He might be a little bit offended that they’re playing it off as if he’s gone soft because of her. Really, he’s been trying to behave and not start any more fights because Phasma has definitely implied that doing so will land his ass out of any games for at least the rest of the season. If not permanently. Ben wasn’t ready for that and, regardless of his own annoyances about it, he didn’t want to test Phasma like that.

She’s his height and kind of scares him a little bit. But that’s neither here nor there.

Rey shows up to one of his games early again, a smile on her pretty freckled face as she breezes into the locker room. Ben doesn’t know how, but she always seems to know when everyone in the room is decent and he’s glad for it. He’s glad that he doesn’t have to deal with her face when she catches sight of one of the other guys’ dicks. Or his own. Regardless of who’s dick it is, it just doesn’t sound like a good time to him. At all. Period.

She only ever has eyes for him, though, even when there are countless other guys around either of them that are far more conventionally attractive than he. He isn’t ugly, per say, but Ben knows that he isn’t much to look at either - rough around the edges as he is with features that have always seemed too large for his face. Everything about him is a bit too large and awkward - his height, his nose, his fucking _ears…_

But Rey either doesn’t seem to see it or seem to care. It always kind of surprises him, just how _good_ of a job she does at being an attentive and devoted girlfriend. There have been a few times (okay, _more_ than just a few) where he’s had to remind himself that this is all fake. None of it’s real and it’s all just another part she’s playing.

Ben understands why people love her acting so much and want her on all of their talk-shows. She’s just straight up fucking pleasant to be around and has this air of utter... _goodness_ around her. She laughs easily and smiles easier. Unlike him. Who always gets comments about how grumpy he is and who has quoted ‘attitude problems’ that have seen him in more trouble than he’s primarily worth.

But Rey is...good. She’s really good. And it’s been three months of this and he still isn’t sure how long this is going to last or why she continues to spend any time with him. If he were in her shoes, he would have given up immediately. He’s maybe a little thankful for that favour she owes Kaydel because it means that she’s put up with his sorry ass longer than anyone else ever has. Surely, that favour has been overpaid by now, with the past three months of positive press about him.

He’s been mentally counting the days since this started, waiting for the inevitable day she decides she’s done playing this game with him. The mystery date hangs over him in the back of his mind, ticking away like a bomb.

But here she is, smiling up at him and dressed in one of his jerseys as always. Her wavy hair is loose around her shoulders again (just the way he likes it, really) and she’s wearing the Rangers beanie he’d given her a month ago after she’d complained about her ears being cold when she’s at his games.

He’d scolded her about not saying anything about it sooner and she’d just smiled and shrugged like it wasn’t actually as big a deal as he was making it out to be.

“Hey,” he tells her a few seconds after she stopped in front of him.

“Hey yourself,” she returns lightly, completely ignoring everyone else in the room. The guys had all greeted her with a chorus of greetings when she’d walked in, but she’d just waved at them absent-mindedly.

Rey takes a step closer to him and Ben can’t help but to swallow thickly as he stares down at her.

Because yes, he _does_ find her attractive, thank you very much. And yes, sometimes after their “dates” when he goes home alone to his empty and quiet apartment, he wishes this thing between them was real and not just for show or publicity. Because it’s been _nice_ to have someone to spend time with after his games. Nice knowing that there’s someone in the stands for him, cheering and wanting him to do his best. He’s been lonely most of his life - childhood included - and something about Rey just makes him want to be around her more. Which is dangerous territory since this is all for fucking show.

But still. Part of Ben can’t help but to want and hope sometimes. Is that so bad?

Rey’s still smiling as she takes another step closer to him and reaches a small hand out to rest it against his chest. He can’t really feel it through the padding of the equipment he’s wearing, but it doesn’t really matter when she raises up onto the balls of her feet and presses a kiss to his cheek.

“I’ll see you after your game, yeah?” she starts. He’s already nodding and about to tell her that _of course_ he’ll see her after the game, but she’s got more to say apparently. “There’s something we need to talk about.” Her voice is soft and low, pitched so that he’s the only one in the room who can hear her.

And here it is. The end of whatever it is between them - this charade. And it’s fine, really. Ben is _completely_ okay with that.

However, he also really wishes that she’d just kept that last bit to herself until _after_ the fucking game. Because now he has to think about it for the next few hours while he knows she’s sitting at the glass next to their bench and not actually wanting to be there.

Fuck.

He nods stiffly and is trying to get up the gumption to tell her she doesn’t have to stay or even be here to begin with, that she can just end it now and not put either of them through the unnecessary torture of her being here when she doesn’t want to. But she’s already spinning on her heels and breezing her way back out of the locker room. Just like she’s going to breeze her way right out of his life in a few hours.

Fucking great. He needs to get it together.

Cursing under his breath, Ben turns and slams the door of his locker a little harder than necessary. Okay. A _lot_ harder than necessary.

“What’s wrong, Solo?” Dameron asks from his right and Ben takes a deep breath as the shorter man sets up to rib him. He isn’t in the mood, but he doesn’t say anything as Poe continues. “Don’t worry, just keep playing like you have been and you can go back home to your girlfriend.” 

A breath hisses out of Ben’s nose as he clenches his fist around his stick. He tries very, very hard not to imagine breaking the stick in his hands over Poe’s stupid pretty head. Okay. So he definitely _thinks_ about it, because thinking alone won’t get him in trouble with Phasma. But he doesn’t care if Poe Dameron is one of the best centers in the entire NHL. He still wants to break his stick over his head and punch him in his stupid, pretty face.

\--------

They win the game, but only barely. And it isn't thanks to Ben's playing, that's for sure. He's sullen and irritated when he storms his way through changing out of his equipment. The rest of the guys give him space, apparently sensing the way his attitude has shifted.

He _does_ hear Poe wonder aloud if Rey would go out with him if she and Solo broke up, though. And that pisses him off more than anything. More than knowing that she's probably going to end things between them. Because when she does, there's no reason for her to _not_ date Poe Dameron. Which means she will _still fucking be here_ , taunting him with what he cannot have.

He should have never agreed to this bullshit idea of Rose's. Should have just straight up told her no and taken the two-game suspension with a dignity he apparently no longer has.

Rey is waiting for him when he storms out of the locker room. She's got her pretty smile on her pretty face and it kind of falters a little when she notices he's in a bad mood. Concern paints her features and her brow furrows together and god _dammit_ she's too good at this.

He doesn't know why she's still pretending.

"Are you okay? You seemed distracted on the ice…" she says when he reaches her. He keeps walking toward the back entrance of the arena, not slowing his strides, and she speeds up to keep by his side. "Hey, woah! Ben! Slow down!" Rey commands and he holds in his sigh as she grabs at his hand with both of hers. She tugs at his arm to get him to stop.

He turns to her, then, a growl in his throat as he takes his hand back from her.

"You can go ahead and break up with me now, you know. You probably shouldn't have mentioned it before the game, but at least I had warning."

Rey blinks at him, stepping back half a step if only because he's growling at her. She glares at him, then, her smile turning into a scowl to rival his own.

"Is that what this is about?" she asks him, her voice low. Ben rolls his eyes and tosses a hand through his hair.

"Look, I get it, I do. I realize we aren't actually dating and you don't owe me anything. I know it's not permanent and it's been three months and you've paid your manager back or whatever."

"So then why are you so pissed at me, if this is all fake?" Rey snaps back. She has a snarl on her face and he _hates_ how pretty and fierce she looks right now. Because this is it. This is how it ends. He was right. "That wasn't even what I had wanted to talk to you about, but okay, fine."

She rips the Rangers beanie off of her head, causing her hair to stick up at all ends as she thrust it at him. "If you're going to be this much of an ass just because I wanted to _talk_ to you, fine."

With a huff, Rey crosses her arms over her chest and starts storming down the hallway toward the back exit. Ben groans, taking long strides to catch up to her.

"Rey," he says when he wraps his thumb and forefinger around her slender wrist. She turns to glare at him over her shoulder and glances between where his hand is wrapped around her wrist and then back up to his face. "I'm sorry," he told her. He doesn't know what else to say, but that seems as good a place as any to start.

Rey just looks at him, waiting for him to say something else. But he doesn't know what to say or how to say it. Fuck him. So he just looks right back at her, hoping she'll take pity on him.

After a few tense moments, she sighs and rolls her eyes. "It doesn't matter," she mutters, almost to herself. Almost as if she was waiting for him to blow up at some point.

"I'm not good at this," he tells her, not for the first time. He sees a flash of recognition in her hazel eyes as she smirks and shakes her head.

"Yeah. I got that," she deadpans.

"What did you want to talk about, then?" He has to know. If it wasn't about ending this fake relationship, then what the fuck else could she have wanted to talk about?

Rey shakes her head again, looking away from him and down the hall to the door at the end of it. There's a security guard there, looking as if he wants to be literally anywhere else but here, watching them fight.

Ben wishes he would have noticed the security guard before he started spouting shit about their relationship being fake… Granted, he probably should have known there would be one. There always is. Too late now, he supposes.

"Doesn't matter right now. We can talk later. I'm tired." And then she's walking away again, out the back door and Ben is left standing in the middle of the hallway, clutching the beanie she'd thrust at him. He hears some of the guys coming down the hall from the locker room, so he storms out the door himself.

Rey is nowhere to be seen and he hates himself for fucking this up. Part of him doesn't really think it's his fault. But a bigger part of him knows it is. Because he's the one with the feelings she obviously doesn't reciprocate. Which is fine. This is all fake. Even if she was apparently not going to proverbially break up with him tonight…

Ben is stuck in his head as he walks to his car, climbing inside and slamming the door behind him. It feels odd, not getting into the car with Rey after the game. They’d gotten into a habit over the last three months. Ben doesn’t like the fact that this is out of habit. And he doesn’t like that straying from the habit of going to get dinner with her and then dropping her off at her apartment complex afterwards makes him feel...wrong. Uncomfortable. He doesn’t really know how to feel about any of it, not really.

He drives back home in a daze, his head trying to figure out what the fuck was going on inside of it.


	2. there are words i want to shout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeahhh...so this is just smut. Pure smut. The most descriptive smut I have ever written. And the longest piece of smut I’ve ever written. I tend to get really wordy and uhhh...it came out big time with this chapter. I just could not stop writing. I just really, really love descriptions and feelings. I’d apologize for this 9300 word chapter but I’m not actually sorry at all.
> 
> Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments on the first chapter of this. I’m awful at responding to comments but I’m slowly working my way through them and replying. Just know that I read all of them and each comment gives me an immense amount of joy. 
> 
> Okay, enough of me being a sap. Enjoy! 💜💜💜

Ben doesn't see or hear from her for almost two weeks until their next home game on a Friday night. It’s not that unusual, considering he had a weekend of away games and he’s sure she’s been working anyway. But he finds that he misses her. Misses talking to her, even if they didn’t spend much time talking through texting or anything beyond just being together in person on their dates.

But she’s back at the arena that night, wearing the jersey with his name and number emblazoned on the back. She has just a normal beanie on her head, not a Rangers one, but at least she's wearing one…

She didn’t come into the locker room to say hello, but she’s in her seat with a smile on her face cheering him on. When he first gets on the ice, it shocks him to find her there again. He wasn’t expecting her in the least, figured she would find an excuse to not show up, considering he hadn’t heard from her.

But they also have an arrangement of sorts and he figures that she won’t let the rumors of them having a fight a couple of weeks ago after the game (no thanks to that security guard at the back door) get in the way of his blossoming public image. No, Rey is there with a smile on her face looking happy as ever. She even pulls him into a chaste kiss when he passes her on his way to the bench. It leaves his head spinning as he tries to figure out what the fuck is going on. Why she’s so calm and casual about this.

' _ It's an act, dumbass. You know this. You've known this from the beginning,'  _ he reminds himself mentally time and time again. He's lost track of how many times he's had to remind himself that none of this is real. That whatever feelings he thinks are there are purely one-sided. He's the only one that actually likes her, that finds himself wanting more. Thinks about her when he's alone at night…

When the game is over and the Rangers win again, Ben shakes the thoughts out of his head. He really doesn't need to think about how much he wants to touch Rey. About how much it feels like his stupid head quiets down when he's around her.

About how she's become his best friend in the last three months without even really meaning to.

Rey is waiting for him outside the locker room when he gets done changing after the game. She's leaned against the wall, wisps of hair falling out of the dark blue beanie to frame her face. She looks gorgeous like this and his chest aches at the thought of how pretty she is. About how this is fleeting.

She smiles when she sees him, coming up and tucking herself into his side. "Hey, good game today," she says. Ben nods, winding his arm around her waist and letting his hand rest on her hip. Normally he keeps his hands mostly to himself - sure, they hold hands when they're out, but for the most part he sticks to just slinging his arm over her shoulders so that he doesn't make her uncomfortable. He doesn't know why he does it now, but she doesn't seem to mind because she's walking with him to the back door.

"Did you want to go out to eat?" Ben asks her. They haven't said much to each other and it feels...awkward. Wrong. Like their silence is only compounding on the fact that they had a fight (was it even a fight? Ben isn't sure) last time they saw each other and didn't spend any time together.

"No," she tells him. His heart and stomach sink and he ignores it as best he can. "You can take me to my place, though. We still need to talk." Her voice is soft, cautious almost. There's something in the way she says the words that give her an edge of some emotion he can't place. His stomach drops again and his chest aches, but he nods stiffly.

"Okay. Yeah. Sure." His words are clipped but his brain won't stop going on and on in about a hundred different tangents, trying to figure out what this conversation is going to entail.

Ben's worries must be written on his face because Rey giggles when they get to his car and she pulls away from his side. "It's nothing bad," she promises. "At least I hope it isn't."

That's what it is, then, in her voice. Hope. Ben blinks as he walks to the driver's side, leaving her to open her own door and climb in on her own. He could have opened her door for her, sure, but she's never seemed big into the gentleman thing and he's been too far out of the reach of his mother's lessons on manners to even put much thought into it most of the time.

What does Rey have to be hopeful for?

She takes his right hand and entwines their fingers together while he drives to her apartment. He knows the way by heart, by now, after the three months of their frequent dates and outings together. They've made sure to do things outside of her coming to his games, of course. Made every effort to make sure it looks like a real relationship.

And the internet has loved it since day one. Ben can't count how many times he's seen comments about how in love they both look when they're together. About how Rey's become a good luck charm for him and the rest of the team, since they've been playing so well and Ben hasn't gotten any penalties since they got together.

Of course, there's also her side of things. Fans who think it's weird she's dating a hockey player. Think he's not good enough for her, never will be. Most of the negativity comes from her side of things, but he knows she's probably seen things from hockey fans that try to knock her down a peg or two.

It's the natural status quo of a relationship that's in the public eye.

But it's all fake. Any comments about how in love they look is more than likely just because Ben sometimes can't stop looking at her when he's around her. She's just too pretty. He still can't believe that his agent managed to get someone as pretty as she is to agree to fake date him.

When they pull up outside her apartment complex, Rey doesn't make a move to get out when he idles at the curb. Instead, she turns to him and smiles. "Pull into the parking garage," she tells him. Right. She wanted to talk to him and they've been quiet pretty much this entire car ride because Ben can't seem to get out of his own fucking head.

So he pulls into the parking garage and parks where she tells him to and they get out of his car. She tucks himself back into his side, taking his hand and wrapping it back around her waist. He tries to keep his breathing steady while his heart goes racing ahead a hundred miles an hour. 

Ben knows that he's about to get his heart broken, knows it's an eventuality that will come sooner or later. But he can't help it. Can't help but to revel in the fact that she's choosing such close contact with him instead of what's considered their normal.

He's still turning these thoughts over his head while she leads him to her apartment. It's a small studio, but the bedroom is cordoned off by a tall partial wall that her TV is placed against. It's small, but it's cozy and warm. Lived in.

"I'll be right back," she tells him after closing the door behind her. "Make yourself at home." She disappears around the partial wall, where he assumes her bed is. Ben wonders what it is she's doing while he looks around her home.

There are little pieces of her scattered all over the place. A kettle on the back right burner of the stove, magnets and photos on the fridge along with a horde of takeout menus scattered around. There's pictures of her with various people on the walls and on every surface that isn't covered in plants. Her couch is worn and just a small loveseat, but it looks comfortable. He goes and sits on it, his large body easily overtaking most of it. His legs stick up and out at kind of an awkward angle, but he sinks into the cushions and it's definitely one of the more comfortable couches he's sat on in his life. His legs stretch out in front of him and his arm drapes over the back cushion, nearly spanning the whole of the damn couch now.

Rey comes back around the corner after a few minutes and Ben's brain...short-circuits.

She has her hair pulled back in a messy bun at the back of her head, stray wisps framing her face. She's changed into a large t-shirt that hangs off of her frame and ends a couple of inches below her ass. Is she wearing shorts or _anything_ beneath it? Ben doesn't know. Isn't sure if he wants to know.

Who is he kidding? Of  _ course _ he wants to know.

He's staring at the pale stretch of her long legs because he can't help himself. His ears are definitely red and he can feel his cheeks warming. Rey, for her part, either doesn't notice or doesn't care. Which he's thankful for, really.

Those legs of hers are fucking perfect. They'd look  _ so good _ thrown over his shoulders with his face buried between them. Probably even better with his forearms under her knees and his hands grabbing her hips while he pounded into her…

Fuck. He needs to stop thinking about something that'll never happen. But now he's seen her legs, he's never going to be able to stop fucking thinking of them. It was bad enough when she wore pants that looked like they were painted on. Now he knows what her legs look like and they're  _ defin _ itely going to be featured in every fantasy he has for the rest of his fucking life.

Rey has a smile on her face when he finally drags his gaze away from her legs. His chest feels tight and there's  _ definitely _ some extra tightness going on in his pants but he's trying not to focus on it or bring attention to it as he continues lounging on her couch. Thankfully, his jeans are dark and don’t show the growing bulge in the front easily. At least he hopes it’s not too noticeable, anyway.

Rey comes to sit next to him on the other cushion of the couch, curling her legs under her as she faces him fully. Her hands are in her lap and her shoulder is just a few centimeters away from where Ben's hand sits on the back cushion. It would be easy to touch her. So easy.

"Rey…" he starts. Not that he knows what the fuck he's going to say. He swallows because there's a lump in his throat and he can't help it. He's nervous. Doesn't know what's going on and he hates not knowing what's going on. Hates not being in control.

"Ben…"

"What did you want to talk about?" The question is rushed out before he can stop himself and before Rey can say anything else. There is a hint of  _ something _ in her voice and it's driving him insane. Between the inflection in her voice and the not knowing, he’s going to be driven insane. She’s also looking terribly suggestive in her oversized shirt and curled up on the couch next to him, and...fuck. He would love nothing more than to kiss her right now. But he shouldn’t. Can’t. Because this isn’t real.

Part of him is fairly certain that the only reason she’s brought him back to her place is so that she can tell him whatever it is she needs tos ay and then kick him out on his ass. Why else would she bring him back here instead of going out to dinner like they usually do? He knows she’s going to leave him bewildered and bereft and as lonely as ever.

Ben doesn't like what the thought of being alone again, without someone to enjoy dinners with or to know that someone specific is watching his games when they’re not busy with their own work, does to him. Doesn’t like it one bit. And he likes the fact that he’s become dependent on Rey Johnson when he knew, fucking  _ knew _ , that this was temporary and an act for good pres even less.

Fuck him. He was deep in this. Way too deep. He was going to have to tell Rose that he’d started falling for his fake girlfriend. And he doesn’t want to do that. Doesn’t want to ever admit it to anyone, regardless of who was asking.

He can see the interviews and questions now. Knows how he’ll answer them. No, it wasn’t anything serious, just a fling. They met through mutual friends. Just dinner and movies and the occasional date and the mutual support of one another’s careers. Nothing more than that. No real feelings involved in the least.

Rey is fiddling with her hands, fingers twisting on each other in her lap. She seems to be taking a moment to collect her thoughts and figure out what she wants to say. Ben bites the inside of his cheek and curls one of his hands into fists because what else is there to do? He certainly doesn’t want to speed this up if he can help it. Doesn’t really want this conversation (whatever it’s about) to happen in general.

Ben hates not knowing what’s going on. This is why he doesn’t get involved with other people - it always ends up in him getting hurt because he isn’t good with communication or feelings or really much of anything. He’s never been much of a patient man, either. Rey isn’t exactly helping by staying quiet and dragging this out unnecessarily, either.

Rey takes a deep breath and then turns to look him full in the face, her chin jutting out slightly. “I like you, Ben,” she tells him. It feels like forever passed in the span between him asking the question and her answer. Feels like he’s been sitting here on her couch, staring at her while she thought of what she wanted to say for  _ hours _ . It was only a few seconds, a minute or two at most, but it felt like the time spanned ages.

“I like you, too,” he tells her without a second thought. Because he does, really. And it’s not just in a ‘ _ I wish this were real _ ’ kind of way, either. More so in the way that he likes her as a person, likes her because she’s become his best friend for all that they’re in a fake relationship and aren’t actually together. Aren’t beholden to one another. Feelings aside, Ben loves spending time with Rey. Enjoys seeing her at his games every week.

“No, I mean…” Rey sighs, biting her lower lip. Her eyes move from his to the floor next to the couch, trying to get hold of her thoughts and make sense of them. Ben’s brows furrow slightly.

“What do you mean, Rey?” he asks softly. He’s as confused as ever and doesn’t want to keep waiting for her to say something else. To say anything else.

Rey takes a deep breath and then finds his gaze again. Her cheeks are tinted pink slightly, making her freckles stand out a bit darker against her skin. "I like you more than just liking you as a friend," she admits.

And that's when the world around Benjamin Solo, the best goddamn defender on the New York Rangers, stops. He blinks at her, surprised and lost for words.

"I know that this is just for your image or whatever, but I figured I would let you know that I liked you more than just beyond that before this went any further," she told him. "I know you said the other week that this is all fake and that's fine. If you don't feel the same, we should probably just end things here and that's fine, really, it's totally fine." 

She's rambling and it's the cutests goddamn thing he has ever seen her do. It's cuter than the face that she made whenever she was annoyed with him. Cuter than anything he’s ever seen  _ anyone _ do.

"Rey, stop," he says. She snaps her mouth shut, the blush across her cheeks and the bridge of her nose darkening. She looks at him sheepishly for a moment before averting her eyes, turning her head to stare at the island on the other side of the room that separates the living room from the kitchen.

Ben's never been very good with words. Ever. He's always been dreadful with them, which is probably why he enjoys hockey so much. Because it makes it easier to get out all the frustrations and aggressions on the ice against other players than having to actually talk to anyone. His uncle is a professor of law, his mother's a politician, and both of them had wanted him to follow in their footsteps. But no, Ben had gone the way of hockey like his grandfather. Because fuck having to speak in public or be good with words in any sense.

So instead of answering Rey, he reaches out with his free hand and cups her face gently. The apple of her cheek is soft as he pulls her to face him. Leaning forward, his eyes flick between her pretty hazel eyes and her pretty pink mouth. Rey blinks at him, leaning into his touch.

A moment of hesitation when they're barely a breath away, and then Ben presses his mouth against hers. She hesitates for barely half a second before she's kissing back. He’s never initiated their kisses before, letting her set those boundaries for them, since she’s been the one doing him a favour this whole time. It immediately feels different from all the other chaste kisses that they’ve shared.

Her hands fly from her lap to around his neck, her fingers sinking into the hair at the base of his neck. Her touch sends tingles and sparks of electricity down his spine. Ben barely represses the shudder that runs through him.

His tongue darts out to lick at the seam of her lips after a moment. Rey lets out a hum in the back of her throat as she parts her pretty mouth and grants him access.

She tastes like fucking honey and he doesn't know what the fuck she ate that made her taste like that, but he doesn't really care. She tastes fucking divine. He could never get enough of her taste. Never get enough of the way her mouth feels against his.

His hands find her waist, sitting over her shirt and bunching up the fabric slightly as his fingers sink into her flesh beneath. Rey scoots closer, her knees brushing against the side of his thigh. Every point of contact with her feels like his skin is about to burst into flames. But it's the best feeling in the world. How long has it been since someone touched him? Since someone has tangled their hands in his thick hair and held on like their life depended on it?

Her shirt bunches in his grasp as their tongues battle for dominance, switching from her mouth to his and back again. He can’t get enough of the taste of her. Of the feeling of his hands on her hips and hers in his hair.

He could kiss her forever and never get tired of it. Never stop wanting more.

His brain is still not entirely wrapped around the idea that she wants him. That she actually likes him and this isn't just an act. That she's not kissing him like she's trying to devour him just because she feels like she owes him. No. She wants this. And that's a heavier feeling than anything else, he thinks.

Rey doesn't take long to crawl into his lap, her legs spreading on either side of his hips to straddle him. Having her in his lap changes the angle of their kiss, making it easier to kiss deeper.

It's all-consuming, their kissing.

Ben breaks out of the kiss first, dragging air into his lungs as he bends and starts layering kisses on her jaw and down the line of her pretty neck.

Rey hums above him and tilts her head to the side so he has easier access to her skin. "Ben…" she hums. Her voice is thick, soft with desire. "Touch me," she requests. She moves her hips slightly for emphasis, making it as clear as she can to him that she wants him to move his hands from their place at her waist.

Ben is all too eager to comply, one hand moving up her side, along her ribs and up over her shoulder blade to sink into her own hair to cradle the back of her head. She leans into his touch, humming in appreciation as he nips and licks at the smooth skin of her neck. His other hand moves down, past the risen hem of her shirt, and down onto her soft legs.

She shifts on his lap, scooting herself closer to his chest and the bulge of the cock in his pants. They both gasp at the contact even though it's through the clothes. But then Rey rolls her hips just slightly and Ben is pretty sure he's about to fucking come in his jeans like a goddamn teenager…

His fingers slide easily up the span of her thigh, moving quickly to the juncture of her leg and torso. He feels lace when he gets to the top of her thigh, and his cock twitches in his jeans just from  _ touching _ it.

Jesus fucking christ. He really is no better than a teenager.

His hand covers the majority of her hip, his thumb brushing against the top of her mound while the tips of his fingers dig into the soft flesh of her pert little ass. She's so small. Feels so fragile in his hands. But he can sense how much she likes him touching her.  _ Knows _ that she likes it just from the way she's humming in the back of her throat and digging her short nails into the skin of his neck and shoulders.

"Ben..." she hums as he sucks at the spot at the juncture of her neck and shoulder.

"Hmmm?" he prompts. He finds that he likes it when she tells him what she wants. Likes knowing that she  _ knows  _ what she wants him to do to her. Likes knowing that he can give that to her. Because he knows he will do anything she asks, so long as it makes her feel good. It’s the least he can do.

Rey rocks her hips towards him again. "Touch me," she whines again. Ben can't stop the smirk that spreads on his face at her request.

"I am touching you, sweetheart," he tells her. He squeezes the hand he has on her hip for emphasis. She huffs and wiggles her hips slightly.

"More," she pleads. He's still smirking as he continues to lavish attention on her neck. He moves his attention back up her neck towards the line of her jaw and ear. He sucks at the spot just below her ear, right where her jaw ends. She keens and arches her chest into him, trying to get friction or get him to do  _ something _ more than just hold her.

"More?" he asks, his voice barely more than a breath into her neck. "What do you want, Rey?" he asks her.

She huffs again, clearly frustrated with him. He's enjoying this, though, probably too much. Enjoys playing with her like this. And he knows that she's enjoying it just as much as he is, as frustrated as she's clearly getting.

Rey leans her head forward and nips at his neck, a sharp little bite that makes his cock twitch and throb again. Makes his hips jerk upwards into hers. Fuck.

"Fucking touch me, asshole," she growls at him. Ben chuckles darkly, nodding in understanding as he moves the hand he’d planted on her hip up the side of her ribs, stopping just beneath the soft swell of her breast. His thumb grazes the soft skin there, barely brushing against the outside of her areola. Rey sighs, nips at his neck again as Ben grins quietly to himself. He's having probably too much fun with this.

But he wants to give Rey plenty of time to decide that she doesn't want this. That she doesn't want him touching her like this.

Her shirt is bunched up over his forearm, bunching up in the bend of his elbow and showing off most of her legs. Her lace panties are black, and for some reason that gets to him more than just feeling them. Fuck.

"Can we take this off, sweetheart?" he asks her. He untangles his right hand from her hair, lifting up the hem of her shirt and pulling it over her head with her help. He drops it on the floor beside the couch and takes a second to just...stare at her.

Her breasts are small, but they're the perfect handful. For her, anyway. His hands are large enough that they could easily span her chest without issue. But they're  _ perfect _ \- spattered with freckles that come down from the dusting of them on her shoulders, and then graced by perfectly dusty nipples. She's fucking  _ gorgeous. _

Sure, he's seen her naked on that show she's in on HBO. Nudity and HBO go hand-in-hand, it seems, and she's certainly no stranger to it. But this is...this is different. Seeing her in person is  _ so much better. _ You don't get a good look of all the freckles on her skin through a TV screen. Don’t get to get a good look at the way her breasts move when she breathes in.

"God, your tits are so fucking perfect," he tells her. He could live the rest of his life sustained only by the image of her pretty little tits in front of him.

Ben plants both of his hands on her waist again and Rey huffs impatiently above him. He smirks as her hands tug at the hem of his black t-shirt, lifting it up. He leans forward, away from the back of her couch, so that she can lift his shirt off of him. As soon as his shirt is off and deposited on the floor with hers, she grabs his wrists off of her waist and pulls them up to her breasts. Ben can't help the grin that spreads across his face as Rey glares at him.

"Touch. Me," she demands. Holding back his chuckle, Ben gives her breasts a slight squeeze and nods, leaning forward slightly so he can capture her mouth with his again.

"Yes, ma'am," he tells her before he steals another kiss. Her hands find his hair again, holding him close as their tongues dance again.

Ben keeps one hand on her breasts while the other slides back down to her hips. Her hips wiggle against his as Rey rocks herself against the erection that's making his jeans incredibly uncomfortable. He squeezes her ass with one hand while his thumb and forefinger of his other find her nipple, rolling the little bud between them.

Fuck. The sound that she makes when he pinches her nipple just slightly is going to be the death of him.

"Ben…" Rey keens softly. Her voice is breathy and light, different from normal and Ben finds that he  _ loves _ it. Loves knowing she's becoming undone and it's at his hands.

While he lavishes attention on her neck with his mouth, the hand he has on her ass slides further down. His fingers brush against the line of the panties covering her core and he doesn't know if the low groan from the contact is from him or her. But she's fucking  _ soaked _ and if he wasn't already about to cum right then and there before, he's definitely going to now.

He pets her through the lacey fabric covering her, his fingers following the line of her cunt and putting just the slightest amount of pressure at her core and then at her clit. She's rocking her hips into his hand, moving in time with his touches, trying to find more friction than what he's giving her.

"Ben,  _ please _ ," she sighs. He gives a slightly harder tweak of her nipple in response and Rey lets out a moan that goes straight to his cock. He hasn't been this receptive since he was a fucking teenager but there's something about Rey that lets him know that she's going to be beyond fucking perfect.

"Please what, sweetheart?" Ben asks as his mouth moves down her neck and across her collar bones. Rey leans back slightly, trying to provide his mouth easier access to her breasts. He moves his hand to the nipple he's left untouched so far as he bends to take the other in his mouth. He gives it a soft suck, his tongue darting out against the hardened bud as she keens and tightens her hands in his hair.

"I swear to God, if you don't start fucking me with at least your fingers in the next thirty seconds I'm going to kill you," Rey threatens. She's breathless, her back arched toward him in an effort to get him better access to where she wants him and her hips jerking slightly with every slow touch he gives to her cunt through her panties.

A dark chuckle leaves him and he does as she requests, pushing aside the gusset of her panties and finding the skin of her cunt, hot and dripping. Ready for him. He could probably slide inside her easily with how wet she is. But he wants to prolong this as long as he can, because he knows that as soon as he finds himself seated deep within her, it’s going to be the end of him.

So he slides his finger against her core, slipping between her lips slightly and adding just a slight amount of pressure. He finds her clit and circles around it lightly, causing her to release a breathy moan.

Ben keeps his mouth's attention at her tits as her hips rock against his hand. He moves from one nipple to the other, kissing across her chest and leaving a trail of spit as he licks his way over as well. Rey lets out another whine as he keeps his touches light around her clit with one finger and ghosts his middle and ring fingers over her cunt. Her hips rock into his hand, trying to force him to give her more, to press into her.

Ben chuckles to himself as he sucks at her right nipple, nipping at it just enough to harden the bud even further, just as he did with the other.

"Ben, you mother fucker," Rey hisses between panting breaths. "Would you fuck me already? Please?"

Ben is enjoying this far too much for his own good, he thinks.

But he holds in his chuckle as he finally, FINALLY, sinks his middle finger into the wet heat of her core. "Fuck, you're so wet," he tells her breasts. The slick heat of her core is going straight to his cock and that idiotic part of him that's wholly possessive and preens on the fact that he's the one that made her this way. The one who's making her fall apart with just his finger.

She's tight, too, which is a wonder in itself.

"Fuck, your fingers are so big, is that just one of them? Holy fuck," she breathes above him. Ben does chuckle, then. He can't help himself.

Working his finger slowly in and out of her, Ben replaces his pointer finger with his thumb so he can press deeper into her. He keeps up a slow and steady rhythm against her clit, alternating between circling the little bud and swiping back and forth over it.

Rey is sighing and moaning above him, the sounds going straight to his dick. He wants her, so badly. His brain hasn't quite caught up with the fact that this is happening, that she likes him, that she wants him. That she's this fucking wet and ready for him. But he's not about to complain any time soon. Not in the least.

Ben works another finger into her tight heat as he sucks a spot on the top of one of her breasts. Her core clenches around his fingers and Rey moans loudly above him. She tightens her hands in his hair, tugging at the strands while she holds his head in place at her breasts, making sure that he's not going anywhere.

Her hips jerk against his hands, trying to get more friction, trying to urge him to touch her more, to do more than just slowly slide his fingers in and out of her while he works her clit. She's panting, now, alternating between giving breathy sighs and moans and saying 'fuck' over and over again like it's a prayer.

Ben finds the spongy patch at the front of her walls, the pads of his fingers ghosting over it and pressing into it ever so lightly. Rey's hips jerk against his hand again and he grins into her chest as she curses above him.

"Ben, please," she pants. "More."

"More what, sweetheart?" he asks just because he can. She huffs, clearly frustrated, and gives a sharp tug on his hair to pull him away from her chest. Ben raises his head, finding her glaring at him through the flush across her face.

"I want you to fucking fuck me, you asshole," she growls at him. He can't help the grin on his face. He's sure he looks as smug as he feels, and the obviousness of that makes Rey's glare deepen further. Her hips rock against his hand in emphasis of her request, forcing his fingers deeper into her and bringing out another moan.

She's so desperate. He can feel it in the way that her cunt clenches around his fingers, trying to get more pleasure and trying to get him to give her more than the slow and steady movements in and out. Feel it in the way that her hips roll into his hand, chasing his movement and trying to get more out of him. He's definitely enjoying this too much, the teasing. The edging her closer and closer with just the slightest and slowest movements he can make. He wants this to last as long as he possibly can make it and he's not about to apologize. But the look on her face as she's stuck between glaring at him and clearly enjoying this is the best feeling in the world and Ben can't help but to want to keep going at his slow and steady pace, no matter how frustrated she is. No matter how hard and uncomfortable his cock is in his jeans right now.

So he presses his two fingers deeper, caresses that spongy part of her again, making her mewl and arch her back towards him. He moves his free hand from her chest to her back, supporting her as he leans forward and captures one of her nipples in his mouth again.

He decides to give her what she wants, speeding up his fingers slightly as he adds more pressure to her clit and presses a little harder each time he encounters that spongy patch of flesh inside her. Rey starts adding 'yes' to her litany of fucks and Ben moves his attention from one nipple to another as he works her up.

Her hips chase his fingers every time he pulls them out of her. With one of his withdrawals, he adds a third finger, working them inside her slowly and making her cry out loud.

"Fuck, Ben!" she damn near shouts. He hums back at her around her nipple, making her shudder slightly before he pulls off of her with a wet pop. His fingers increase in speed, adding a little more pressure to her clit with his thumb. She pants and rolls her hips, chasing the feeling he's edging her closer to.

He can see it written all over her face, how close she is. Can feel the way her core is fluttering around his fingers. It doesn't take long until she's coming apart around his fingers, pulsing and squeezing around him.

Ben keeps up with pressing his fingers into her until she's shuddering with the added stimulation once her orgasm reaches its end. Her cunt is still fluttering around his fingers, but he pulls them out and takes his hand back. Rey whimpers at the loss, her eyes opening partially as she glares at him again.

She has a look on her face like she's about to ask what he thinks he's doing when he brings his hand to his mouth and licks her juices off of his fingers slowly. He holds her gaze as he runs his tongue along his pointer finger. As soon as the flavor of her bursts on his tongue, he growls out a moan.

She tastes fucking divine. Better than just kissing her and tasting honey in her mouth. This is so much fucking better. He can't even place what it is that she tastes like - something sweet and like every good thing he's ever tasted all rolled into one. Fuck. He could easily live off of her taste.

Ben makes sure that he licks his fingers thoroughly, getting every last taste of her off of his fingers. Until there's only the salt of his skin left. He wants more, wants to keep tasting her, wants to bury his face so far deep in her cunt that she's the only thing he can breathe and taste for the rest of his fucking life. He'd gladly die giving her whatever pleasure he could before he was suffocated by her.

"Need your dick," she tells him. He didn't notice before since he was so caught up in cleaning her off of his fingers, but she's got her hands at his waist, fumbling as she tries to get his pants open and get to his cock.

"Hold on, sweetheart," he tells her. She makes a noise back at him that's somewhere between a whine and a growl and he can't stop the chuckle that leaves him at the sound of it.

His hands find her hips, stilling her on his lap as he shifts his legs so that he can stand easily. "I'd rather fuck you on your bed instead of this little couch," he tells her. "It'll be easier for me," he says. Rey sticks her lower lip out in a pout and it's so goddamn cute, he can't help but to lean forward and nip at it. She chases his mouth when he pulls away, trying to get him to kiss her.

Ben scoots closer to the edge of her couch, pulling her hips against his. She rubs herself against the bulge of his cock, making his fingers dig deeper into the flesh of her ass. He groans slightly, needing to take a moment to try and breathe. Because he really does want to fuck her on her bed. As nice as he's sure it would be to have her impaling herself on his cock on her couch, he'd like to be able to at least stretch out completely. And he's guessing her bed would make that at least a little easier on him. Hopes it will, anyway - after all, he hasn't even seen what size bed she has. For all he knows, she could have a twin bed and if that's the case, it might just be preferable to fuck her on her couch.

Her arms find their way around his neck again and she shifts her legs so that they wrap around his hips. Fucking hell. He can feel how hot and wet she is even through his jeans. She's definitely going to be the fucking death of him.

Ben stands from her couch, taking her with him. Rey kisses his neck, nipping slightly and making him groan as he stumbles toward the partition wall and what serves as her bedroom.

He finds that her bed is a queen, sat in the middle and taking up most of the room, and that solves whatever fears he'd had about not being able to fit on her bed. He drops her on the mattress atop the blankets. She keeps her hands firmly around his neck and it takes him a moment to extract himself from her grip so that he can take his pants off and free himself.

It's only when he's got his zipper half-way down that he realizes that he doesn't have any condoms on him. He pauses, his gaze going from his hands (because he needed to look away from her so that he could focus for long enough to get his pants off), over to her. She's spread out on her bed now, her knees bent and feet planted firmly on the bed as she waits for him.

"Rey..." he starts. "Please tell me you have condoms," he pleads. Rey shakes her head and Ben groans, tilting his head back to stare at the ceiling. "Fuck me," he mutters to himself.

He feels Rey's hands on his, batting them away as she finishes unzipping his pants.

"Doesn't matter, I'm clean. Implant. It's fine," she tells him.

Ben should know better. Has always known better. He's never fucked anyone without protection before, whether or not they have birth control or not. Doesn't matter. He's never been one to run that risk - he knows that birth control isn't completely effective. Neither are condoms, sure, but he's the only person he's ever known to have gotten through both and getting rid of one has always made him nervous.

But Rey is shoving her hand into his pants now, wrapping her slender fingers around his achingly hard cock and god dammit, her hands are so soft and small.

Fuck it. Rey is worth running the risk of that one percent chance of failure of birth control. He couldn't stop this to go find a condom now if he wanted. He needs her. Needs to know what she feels like wrapped around his cock. Guess he's just going to throw caution to the wind. Fuck it all.

Rey is worth it, he thinks.

It takes him barely half a second to come to that decision, and then he's shoving his pants and boxer briefs off of his hips and to the floor, letting his cock spring free. Rey's hand is so small on him and she's pumping her hand over him almost lazily, as if they have all the time in the world.

Technically, he supposes, they do. But he's been riding that edge of nearly cumming in his pants since they started making out.

So he takes her wrist in his hand gently and pulls her off of him even as he steps closer to her bed and leans down. Ben captures her mouth with his and slowly crawls over her, forcing her back on the bed as he positions himself between her legs. He finds her mouth, shoving her tongue between her lips for a consuming kiss. Her hands find his shoulders, short nails digging into the muscles and skin there. She's going to leave scratches on his skin and he doesn't give a fuck. Will gladly take them from her. Gladly show whatever marks she wants to give him as proof that he's hers.

Because he is. He's been hers since he first walked into that restaurant and sat down across from her and pissed her off by being late to their first date. He's been doomed to fall for her since he laid eyes on her. And as happy as he was to keep this casual, to keep this fake for as long as she was willing to entertain him, he's more glad than he can really put into words that it wasn't just fake. That she actually likes him.

How or why, he's still not sure. Probably won't ever really know the reason she likes him or wants him.

But it's not like he's going to complain about it. Especially not now, with his cock trapped between them and the feeling of her skin against his. Rey slides a hand down his chest, her short nails raking down his skin as she goes. He grunts in pleasure as she wraps her hand around his thick length, her slender fingers barely meeting around his cock. She gives him a few lazy pumps that has him jerking his hips into her hand.

"Inside me," she breathes against his mouth. "Now." Her thumb comes to the tip of his cock, smearing the bead of precum that's gathered there down over his length. Fuck.

She's a demanding little thing, his Rey. And he's more than okay with it. All too happy to give her what she wants, if she keeps asking like that. If she keeps touching him and kissing him. If it means he can do this whenever he wants.

Ben drags his mouth from hers, peppering kisses along her cheek and down her jaw and neck. He keeps himself propped up on one forearm while he moves the other to his cock, replacing Rey's hand and lining himself up to the entrance of her core. He can't help the groan that leaves his throat as he presses slowly into her wet heat. Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

He barely notches the head of his cock into her core before he feels like he's about to explode. He's  _ never _ been this sensitive.

He's also never been bare before, but that's beside the point.

Rey whines beneath him, her fingers digging into his shoulders as her hips roll forward, trying to urge him on. Ben moves slowly, sinking into her inch by inch. Her cunt is wet and incredibly, unbelievably tight. The walls of her core clench and flutter around his cock even as they part and make way for him. He's glad that he used three fingers on her earlier, because it made the first few inches easier to get past.. By the time he manages to get himself fully seated within her core, they're both panting.

Ben has to take a moment and think of anything beyond the feeling of her wrapped around him. She fits like a fucking glove and it feels like absolute heaven being inside her. He's never going to be able to fuck anyone else ever again, because there is no way that anyone will feel better than Rey does.

"Holy fuck," Rey breathes beneath him. "You're so fucking huge, how the fuck…" It's the cutest fucking thing in the world, her rambling. "Oh my god," she breathes. Her hips roll forward slightly, almost as if she's experimenting with the feeling of having him inside her.

They both groan again, their voices mixing together in a sound that Ben is pretty sure might just be the death of him. Or maybe it'll give him life. Either way.

"Fuck, sweetheart, you feel so fucking good," he says into her neck. "Take my cock so fucking good." Ben grunts and pushes further into her, until he's down to the root and she takes everything he has. "Fucking perfect, sweetheart." She hums in agreement and gives another roll of her hips. He hisses, biting his cheek so that he doesn't just blow his load then and there.

He doesn't want to embarrass himself like that. Not yet. Not ever.

Rey whimpers beneath him. "Ben," she whines, "please…" She wiggles her hips and tugs him closer to her with her heels that she has locked behind him.

"I want this to last, sweetheart," he tells her. "Want to stay inside your nice wet cunt as long as I can…" He presses his hips into her again, as if for emphasis. There's no further he can go, since he's already sheathed to the root. But it still feels amazing and Rey keens beneath him.

"Don't care, just fuck me," she begs. And the way that her voice sounds, all breathy and desperate and oh, so very  _ needy _ , is all it takes for him to slowly pull out until just his head is seated within her still. And then he rocks forward again, bringing their hips flush again and… Holy fuck.

That's all he can think about as he repeats the motion, keeping one hand on her hip to hold her up to him, and the other in her hair while his forearm props him up. She feels so  _ fucking good _ wrapped around his dick. He never wants to leave her cunt. Never wants this to end.

It doesn't take long before Ben can tell that there is no way he's going to be able to make this last. The walls of her cunt are squeezing his dick in the greatest way and it's more than he can handle right now. Between that and the mixture of the wet sound of him sliding in and out of her, her breathy moans, and her chanting of ' _ yes, yes, yes, Ben, oh fuck, oh god _ ,' Ben is headed to a quick end.

When did he get so sensitive?

Ben moves the hand at her hip, pulling his hips away enough to slip between their bodies. He gathers the wetness slipping out of where they're joined, loving the feeling of her entrance stretched around him. Rey keens again as he slips his hand just her, using his thumb and rubbing soft circles around her clit.

“ _ Fuck _ ,” Rey hisses, her hips canting towards him and chasing the pressure of his fingers and cock together. Her breathing grows shorter, breathy pants leaving her lips in between the soft moans he's coaxing out of her with every thrust and movement of his fingers.

"Rey, sweetheart," he tells her collarbone between the kisses he presses there. "Come for me, baby." His request is met with a moan and the feeling of her inner walls fluttering around him a bit more. It only takes a few more thrusts, another few circles around her clit with his thumb, before she falls apart around him with a gasping moan.

Ben sees fucking stars when her cunt clamps down around him, her walls pulsing with her orgasm as he fucks her through it. The feeling of his own orgasm crashes through him, roaring through him like a tidal wave as his balls tighten and he releases before he can stop himself.

He'd had half a plan to at least pull out before he came, but that's obviously off the table now as he buries himself as deep as he can get in the sweet heat of her cunt. Ben presses his forehead to hers as he comes with a growl, his fingers tensing in her hair as his entire body goes rigid, his hips jerking into her with his release. His cum pulsing into her is almost a more intense feeling than just being inside her in the first place. He's fairly certain that he's died. Transcended this form of existence completely, merging his soul with his.

"Holy fuck," Rey says beneath him. Her voice is light and airy, a little hoarse but still obviously full of pleasure.

"Yeah," Ben tells her in response. Because he agrees, completely. That was one of the best experiences of his life.

Better than the first time he got on the ice. Better than the first goal he ever scored. Better than signing on to the Rangers.

Their breathing mixes as they try to catch their breath. Ben makes sure to keep himself supported over her so that he doesn't squish her beneath him. He could roll off of her -  _ should _ just pull out and roll off of her so he can gather her in his arms and hold her tight to his chest. But he can't seem to find the strength of will to be able to do any of that. He doesn't want to leave her cunt. Doesn't ever want to stop feeling like she was made to take him, even if his cock is rapidly softening now that he's reached the height of his pleasure.

Rey's fingers comb through his hair, her short nails scraping against his scalp in a calming way. Ben hopes she doesn't mind him staying inside of her. Doesn't mind that he wants to enjoy this as much as he possibly can, for as long as he can.

But his arms are tired - his entire body is tired. Between the exertion of the game and now this best sex he's had in his life, his body is more than ready to pass the fuck out.

So Ben presses a kiss against Rey's lips as he slowly slides himself out of her. She shudders beneath him, whimpers when he pulls completely out. Or maybe it's him that whimpers. Who knows. Ben certainly doesn't. Doesn't really care, either.

He rolls over and flops onto his back beside her, staring up at the ceiling as he continues to try to catch his breath. Rey doesn't waste any time before tucking herself into his chest. Her head comes to rest on his shoulder while her leg gets tossed over his hips. Ben wraps his arm around her, holding her close as he lifts his head enough to press a kiss to her hairline.

"That wasn't what I had in mind when I invited you over, you know," Rey starts. Ben tenses for a second but Rey soothes him with her words as she says, "I'm not upset about it, though."

Ben can't stop the grin from crossing his face. "To be honest, I still thought you were going to break up with me," he admits. Rey scoffs and even if he isn't looking at her face, he can tell she's rolling her eyes at him. 

"Why would you think that? I told you last time that I wasn't going to."

"I…" She's right, he realizes. He'd been so caught up in his assumptions, in just assuming that she was going to leave him because this wasn't real and was never supposed to be. Ben doesn't know what to say, so he just squeezes his arm around her and kisses the top of her head again.

"It's okay. I get it," she tells him. "Everyone's always left me, too. I'm still not convinced you won't." Ben is about to say more, but she interrupts him. "But I knew if I didn't tell you how I felt, then it would just be harder when our fake relationship ended."

Ben just nods in response. He knows what she means, even if he was too much of a coward to have admitted his feelings for her.

Rey kisses his chest before she cuddles closer to him. "I've been alone most of my life, so it's...scary for me to admit my feelings."

Ben nods again, squeezing her tightly. He says the first thing that comes to mind, "you're not alone, Rey. Not anymore."

It takes her no time at all to reply. "Neither are you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp. That happened... I’m almost 28 and honestly I’m not sure I’m old enough to have written that...
> 
> I added another chapter to the final count bc I want to do an epilogue but obviously this smut got away from me really, really fast. I didn’t feel right tacking the epilogue on after...all of that. So there will be another chapter after this to finish this story off. It won’t be long and it will be posted by the end of the week. 
> 
> Thank you so so much for reading! I hope all of you enjoyed this chapter! 💜
> 
> Come and find me on Twitter!


	3. this is where we’re supposed to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So um...first of all, I am so sorry it took me this long to finish this. I started working again and my creativity has just been off for the last month and a half.
> 
> But we finally have an epilogue! It’s much shorter than I had originally planned, but I feel like it wraps it up fairly decently~ I hope you enjoy! Thank you all so much for all the comments, kudos, and love on this little fic!

Ben isn't sure when they go from seeing each other once or twice a week to seeing each other every day, but he's not about to complain about it. He stays at Rey's apartment most nights, wakes up with her head on his chest or with her hair smothering him and trying to choke him to death. But he doesn't care, will gladly take death by her hair if it means being able to fall asleep with her.

Her apartment may just be a studio, but it's cozier than his. It smells like her, too, which is more comforting than he'd really like to admit most of the time. His apartment, in comparison, is sterile and plain. Whatever decorations he had around his apartment were thanks to the interior decorator his mother had hired when he'd moved in.

But not Rey's place. She has things all over the place, little pieces of her scattered about. Her place is cluttered, but not in a bad way. He once commented on how many plants she has all over the place, and she told him that she liked to be surrounded by green things because she grew up in the desert.

He learns a lot about her in the months that they spend together actually dating instead of just faking it. He learns that she grew up in the foster system, that she lived a life of abuse and hurt and still doesn’t know if her parents are alive or not. 

He lets her learn about him, too. About how he’s always had a rocky relationship with his parents, even if they were there for him. He’d never felt quite good enough, had always felt like they were disappointed in him no matter what he did. Hockey had become his outlet, and it was only when he was about to sign on with the Rangers that he discovered the relationship between the infamous Anakin Skywalker and himself.

Sometimes he feels like it’s fitting that he and his grandfather, the apparent misfits of the family, be the ones to take up hockey and get into fights on the ice all the time. Rey had said that it’s as poetic in a way, but that he had a chance to change the family legacy, make it better and make it so that his family name (regardless of if it was Solo or Skywalker or whatever other last name happened to come about in his family) wasn’t synonymous with hockey goons.

Ben falls in love with her a little more and more after everything she tells him. He’s been in love with her since they met, pretty much, but every time she’s laying with her head on his chest and tells him that she’s glad they met, that he isn’t a fuck up, that he has a potential to do really well in hockey if he just puts his aggression to other uses…. Well. He’s a goner for sure. And he’s strangely okay with that.

It’s a few months into their actual relationship (not their relationship in the public eye, anyway) that Rey begins shooting for the second season of her show. She leaves to shoot on location in England and Ben is left alone. Truly alone. And he hates it.

He goes back to his own apartment, the sprawling penthouse that’s full of black furniture and stark modernity. He hates it. Hates that it feels so empty.

Hates that he’s become so dependent on Rey so quickly.

It’s mostly fine, though, because Ben’s still busy with practice and the playoff games and training and everything else involved in his life as a hockey defenseman.

That doesn’t stop him from missing Rey, though. Doesn’t make it any easier to go to sleep by himself.

But it’s fine, really. He’d never want to be one of those boyfriends who was too pushy and over-possessive over their girlfriend and their chosen career. He’s proud of Rey - has watched every episode of her show more than once just because he can. And now that she’s gone filming, he finds himself playing her show at night when he can’t fall asleep.

He’s in the locker room before the Wednesday night game when his phone rings. He already has his gloves on, but he sighs and glares at the screen anyway just to see who is bothering him when anyone who  _ would _ call him knows that he has a game happening in like...less than five minutes.

But then he sees Rey’s name lighting up the screen, along with the most recent selfie she’d sent him (Ben may or may not change her contact photo in his phone with every selfie that she sends him...the same may or may not be able to be said about his lock and home screens), and Ben is scrambling to get his stupid gloves off as quickly as possible so he doesn’t miss her call.

He rips one of his gloves off with his teeth and spits it onto the ground as he presses the answer button and brings the phone up to his ear.

“Hello?” His heart is racing and he isn’t really sure why beyond the fact that talking to Rey always kind of makes his heart race. And he hasn’t spoken with her much since she left - they talk daily, but not nearly as much as he’d like. And today was a busy day for her and he’s more than happy to answer her phone call and be late out onto the ice if it means he can hear her voice.

“Ben! Hey! I know you have a game tonight, but I just needed to call and say hi and that I love you,” she rushed out quickly. There’s muffled sound on the other line and she must still be on set or something, judging by the noise level around her. But Ben didn’t care. It was her voice.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he says. “I love you, too,” he says softly. “How’s filming going?” He doesn’t really have the time for small talk, especially because Phasma just called for everyone to head out to the ice. But he’s stuck at his locker, holding his phone to his ear and keeping his eyes closed and pretending like she’s in front of him and not in fucking England.

“It’s good!” Rey answers immediately. “Busy, obviously, but it’s going really well.” He nods even though she can’t see him do so.

“Solo! Let’s go! Phone on your own damn time!” Phasma is calling from the door of her office. He sighs when Rey chuckles on the other end.

“Sorry…I have to go now, game time,” he tells her. His voice is full of the dejection that he’s feeling at not being able to talk to her longer. He wishes that she’d called sooner. Or after his game. Either way… He just wants to talk to her more. He misses her more than he’d ever really like to admit to himself and to anyone else, really.

“Yeah, I need to go, too,” she says. Ben nods again. “I love you,” she tells him. Ben repeats it, says goodbye, and then hangs up the phone. He sighs and stares at the picture of her smiling face on his home screen as the call ends, wishing more than anything that he could just fucking see her for five fucking minutes…

Damn their schedules for making them both busy at the same time…

“Solo! Ass in gear!  _ Now! _ ” Phas yells at him and Ben growls as he puts his phone back in his locker and bends down to rip his glove off the fucking ground. He’s aggressive when he shoves his hand back in the offending garment and storms past Phasma and down the hall toward the rink. The boys are in line, waiting on him. Poe and Hux both give him looks that say all that they think about the change in his attitude.

Ben is more than sure that Poe would say something stupid as fuck if it weren’t for the fact that Phasma is ushering them out onto the ice as a team.

His thoughts are still filled with thoughts of Rey when he skates out onto the ice, the blades of his skates making him glide and nearly fly over the surface of the rink. The feeling is a soothing balm to his soul, as it always is, but he’s still grumpy and missing Rey and just kind of miserable in general. He’ll be surprised if he manages to not suck ass tonight on the ice with how distracted his head is right now.

Again, he finds himself wishing that he hadn’t answered Rey’s call. Or that she’d called sooner or later.

It was worth it, though, to hear her voice even if it was just for a moment.

By the time Ben skates around the rink with the rest of the guys, he’s so lost in his own head that he swears Rey is in her normal seat when she comes to his games. He swears that he sees her out of the corner of his eye when they pass their box but he’s not about to look and prove himself wrong. That would just hurt his heart too much and he’s not in the mood for that kind of let down, not right now.

Someone is  _ definitely _ getting stick-checked tonight… Or more…

Ben just hopes he doesn’t get suspended again. That shit sucked, even if it had meant he met Rey out of it.

He’s making his way into the box when something - a hand, apparently - hit his arm and there’s a familiar voice in his ear. Ben blinks, dragging himself out of his own stupid head, and sees the grin on Poe’s face as he turns to find his assailant.

It’s Rey, staring up at him with a fond kind of look that both looks like she loves him and also thinks he’s an idiot at the same time.

Ben immediately frowns and nearly drops his stick in surprise.

Because what the fuck is she doing here?

She’s supposed to be in England shooting on set. Busy with work.

He stares at her as she grins up at him and is just looking at him patiently like he’s the biggest idiot in the world.

Which he is, apparently.

“Rey?” Yeah. He’s definitely the biggest idiot in the world. “What are you doing here!?”

Her grin turns into a proud sort of smirk as she hops up and wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him down for a kiss.

“I’m gone for weeks, surprise you at your game, and  _ this _ is how you greet me?” She asks with a giggle when they break apart. Ben just shakes his head and brings his arms around her, settling at her waist as he steals another kiss.

Even if they didn’t have a few moments while the opposing team came out onto the ice, he’d fucking make the time to spend with her in this brief moment.

“You’re supposed to be in England, sweetheart, what are you doing here? Is everything okay? Are you okay?” Ben’s brain is still trying to figure out what the fuck is going on and why she’s here, in his arms, but he’s relieved, too.

Rey giggles again and shakes her head, pulls him down for another quick kiss. “We wrapped earlier than expected, at least for the England shoots. Everything else can be done here in New York. Some kind of time-travel shit they’re planning or something,” she informs him. He knows she’s not technically supposed to let details like that out into the open, but he doesn’t really give a shit right now and apparently neither does she. It’s not like anyone else can really hear them right now.

“I missed you so fucking much, sweetheart,” he tells her softly, pressing his forehead to hers as much as he can with his helmet on. She gives him one last kiss before lowering herself down to her heels and nods.

“I missed you too, Ben,” she tells him. He can see the truth of it in her pretty emerald and gold eyes. “Now go win this game for me,” she tells him with a wink and a pat of her hand against his arm.

Ben nods dutifully and, as loathe as he is to do so, lets her slip out of his arms and back to her seat next to Rose, who has the biggest shit-eating grin on her face that he thinks he’s ever seen on the woman.

Poe shoves his shoulder and that drags Ben’s attention out of the clouds yet again as he turns to find his teammates looking at him with grins all on their faces, too.

Ben would like nothing more than to punch every one of those smiles off of their faces, but it’s game time and he has a fucking game to win.

————————

They wind up winning the game after going into overtime for nearly an hour. It’s not the longest he’s been in overtime before, but it feels like it is. Because Rey is on the sidelines watching him and he just wants to be done with this fucking game and go the fuck back home with her and spend the night and as much of the next day as possible wrapped around her.

His hands don’t leave hers as soon as she meets him outside of the locker room. He drives with her hand held tightly in his, barely lets go long enough for them to get out of the car, and keeps one hand in hers and the other at the small of her back when they walk up the steps to her apartment.

She must have had a cleaning person that came in on a weekly basis or something while she was gone because there wasn’t a spec of dust anywhere. The most telling sign that she’d even been gone was the suitcase dropped haphazardly inside the door.

“I didn’t really have a lot of time to get to the arena after I got home. I grabbed your jersey and a sweater and that’s about it,” she explains. Ben only grunts and pulls her tightly against his chest. Her arms snake their way around his back after a moment and he feels so...right with her here. Feels like he’s coming home. Like this is where he’s supposed to be and like he’s been missing a massive part of himself since she’s been gone.

“I missed you, sweetheart,” he tells the top of her head while he’s pressing his nose into her hair, breathing her in. She hums beneath him and nuzzles closer into his chest, her arms tightening slightly.

“I missed you too,” she tells him. Her voice is soft, like she doesn’t want to break whatever spell is between them. She’s quiet as they stand like that for a few minutes or a few hours, he doesn’t know and doesn’t really care that time moves differently when he has her in his arms.

“You should move in with me,” she says with a rush. Ben blinks open his eyes and goes to pull away slightly so that he can see her eyes. She’s very diligently keeping her face burrowed in his chest, but he can see the tips of her ears going a bit pink from where they peek out from the stray strands of her messy bun.

“Rey,” he tries. She squeezes her arms tighter around his torso and presses her face impossibly further into him. “Sweetheart,” he tries again.

Ben’s hands move to her shoulders and she tenses, but lets him push her away from his chest slightly. She keeps her eyes at his chest, studiously avoiding his gaze even as he uses one hand to tilt her chin up so she’s  _ forced _ to look him in the eye.

When she finally does meet his gaze, her eyes are wary and have something else in them. Some emotion he isn’t quite sure of himself and can’t put a name to quite yet.

“What was that, sweetheart?” He asks her. Her freckles stand out in stark contrast to the rest of her skin as she blushes deeper and sighs. Rey’s arms drop from around his torso and hang limply at her side. Part of him hates that he misses the feeling of her touch so deeply already.

When she doesn’t say anything, Ben nudges her chin with the finger he has beneath it again. She’s watching him quietly, but she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and chews at it slightly.

“Use your words, sweetheart,” he tells her. She sighs and rolls her eyes, some of the tensity leaving her body as she avoids his gaze again.

It only takes her a moment before she finally decides that he isn’t going to let this go that easily. “I said that you should just move in,” she says softly. She’s not quite looking at his face, but somewhere past his head, a spot on the wall that she’s decided is safer than looking him directly in the eye. Ben gives her that, because his brain is in overdrive now and he’s trying to decide if he’s about to have a heart attack or not.

Ben is about to answer when Rey rushes on. “It’s just that you’re always here anyway, and I know you aren’t super fond of your own place. I mean, we could move into there if you really wanted to, I don’t care either way, not really. I just…” she pauses, eyes darting to his before away again. “It doesn’t feel right being here without you. Or anywhere, really. I don’t know, it’s fine, forget I even asked, it’s early still, it’s fine, really, forget I asked.”

“Rey,” he says, trying to catch her eye again so that she doesn’t continue to ramble on into oblivion and work herself into a further tizzy than she’s already currently in. His hands move to cup her face, thumbs caressing her cheeks lightly as he bows her head towards hers so that she  _ has _ to look him in the eye. “I’d love to live with you. We can live wherever you want, sweetheart,” he tells her.

Rey blinks at the words, her brain seeming to process what he’s just said a bit slower than either of them expected, but then she blinks at him in surprise and a small smile blossoms and turns into a shy grin. “Really?”

Ben nods and presses his forehead against hers. “Of course, sweetheart,” he tells her softly. “It doesn't feel right when I’m not around you either. Even if you're busy with shoots or I’m at an away game, just -“

He doesn’t get to finish whatever it is that he was saying because Rey launches herself into him and is tugging him into a kiss that quickly takes his breath away.

He could get used to coming home to her when he was out of town. Could get used to having her smell and things and reminders of her everywhere when she was out on location for shoots. Wants nothing more than to spend every night with her in his arms.

It’s where he belongs, he decides. Where they both belong.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this! I appreciate it so much and hope you enjoyed it! I’ll post the second chapter ASAP~
> 
> Find me on Twitter.


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